Ladies, You’re Not Fooling Anyone

When you wear clothes that misplace your waistline.

Take a look at this picture:

https://i2.wp.com/www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2007/08/13/cmALICE_ARTICLE_narrowweb__300x491,0.jpg

She looks impossibly tall, no?  well that is because she almost certainly is.  It you’re legs are more like this:

https://i2.wp.com/discovermagazine.com/2007/jul/lucys-legs/australopithecus.jpg

Then the babydoll dress will at best only make you look normal, and at worst make you look like two midgets pretending to be a regular person.

The same goes for really long shirts. 

https://i1.wp.com/www.bluevelvetboutique.co.uk/img/thumbnails/BVT-shirt004m_middle_270x270.jpg

They seem to be designed to extend the torso, but they end up shrinkening the legs.  This style was really big earlier this year here in Korea, and every single time I saw a girl with short legs and an (apparently) extremely long torso,  I was reminded of Pan, the goat god.

Look, ladies, I too know the pain of poor proportions.  I never told this to any blog before, but I have disturbingly thin wrists.  There is nothing I can do about that, with the possible exception of getting carpal tunnel syndrome, and I have come to peace with that fact.  Certainly I have been tempted by the possibility of those ‘big cuff’ shirts and ‘D’Artagnan gloves’ you sometimes see advertised in the backs of men’s magazines, but I know that I would just appear vain if I tried to cover up my shame.  It’s better to just be true to myself, buy a huge watch and keep my hands in my pockets unless it’s absolutely necessary to take them out.  And that’s what I recommend to all you disproportionately short-legged ladies out there.

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~ by Joe on September 7, 2008.

2 Responses to “Ladies, You’re Not Fooling Anyone”

  1. Horizontal lines make things appear broader or thicker than they really are. I suggest you draw rings around your wrists with a marker, like a raccoon-tail, every morning, before you head out for the day, in order to create the illusion of wrist-thickness.

    I agree: It’s been entertaining, over the last five years, watching the different tricks used by fashion, in order to make long torsos and short legs appear more proportional.

  2. long shirts are comfy!!! i will demonstrate next time how comfy they are and all the cool things I can do!

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